Doctor Doctor!
1 A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells… ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the taxi’. I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis… and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow
2 At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St. Thomas’s Bath
3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.
4 During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General
5 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked ‘how long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete confusion she answered… ‘Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was still alive.’
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Maidenhead Royal Kent
6 I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked… ‘ so how was your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste.’… Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled ‘KY Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.