A Few Jokes Jokes and humour for everyone

I keep having my profile on that dating website ‘Match.com’ rejected.
One of the questions is, ‘What do you want in a woman?’
Apparently ‘my dick’ is not an acceptable answer.
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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, ‘you’ve all got 30 seconds to get out!’
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, ‘you bast*rd’!’
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Why are women like clouds? Eventually they fu*k off and it’s a really nice day.
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What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, ‘Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?’
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

‘No,’ says the man, ‘I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.’
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f**king big red mark on her forehead.