A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, ‘You’re beautiful.’ Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open [...]
A couple were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. “Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one. ‘Sorry I’m running late, I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to [...]
1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big dick or a good memory…. I don’t remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex….. she objects. 4. Impotence: nature’s way [...]
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few xmas drinks [...]
Repent O Scottish Sinner……. There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided [...]
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers are? Well here it is: A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7 year old granddaughter for a drive in the car for some bonding time — just him and his granddaughter. [...]
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Arlene: Where [...]
Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’ The third surgeon says, ‘No, I [...]
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’ The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which [...]
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud . He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches [...]