Northumbrian Love Story

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, from cancer in unmentionable places he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite whiskey wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of glasses of his favourite whiskey.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Geordie wife of twenty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.

His aged and withered hand trembled towards a large scotch at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon…….

‘F*ck off’ she said, ‘they’re for the funeral.’