If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny [...]
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.. (Now that’s more like it [...]
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. [...]
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks “is it a giraffe?” [...]
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was very concerned. “That’s [...]
A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or [...]
A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display [...]
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his [...]
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are [...]
A bloke calls his mate, at the local stables, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His mate asks, ‘How will I recognise him? ‘That’s easy; he’s a midget with a speech impediment.’ So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a Male or [...]