I went down to the Dole Office this morning to sign my Dog on. The woman said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw benefit”. I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, idle, can’t speak English and has no clue who his dad is. She looked in her policy book to see what [...]
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by [...]
A Irish hobo walks into a pub in London, and approaches the barman. “If I show you an amazing trick, will you give me a free drink?” “Sure” says the barman. So the hobo takes a tiny rat from his pocket along with a tiny piano. The rat cracks his knuckles and begins to play [...]
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went [...]
There were two cows standing in a field. The first cow says to the other, “Hey, did you hear about that Mad Cow Disease?” So the other says, “Yeah, that’s the one that makes your brain die and turn to jelly, right?” The first cow says, “Yeah, aren’t you afraid of getting it?” The other [...]
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose [...]
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers, and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama.” The [...]
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.’ ‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of Chardonnay. ———— Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to [...]
One day a convenience store worker was sitting not doing much. At 2 o’clock the doors swing open and a duck walks in. “Do you have any duck food?” the duck asks. “No we don’t got any duck food.” “Okay, thanks anyway”, says the duck, and walks out. The next day at 2 o’clock the [...]
A young farm girl answers the door. An older neighbour is there. “My father isn’t home,” she says, “but I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull.” “That’s not what I want,” the neighbour says. “We have a young bull [...]