Jennifer, a manager at Asda, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit [...]
Mike and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as aircraft mechanics at Glasgow Airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Mike said, “Jeez, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me as weel. Y’know, I’ve heard ye can [...]
I’d been suffering from really bad pains in my bum and my mate recommended I shove tea leaves up my arse, three times a day, as creams were useless. I did this for a week but no change. I had no choice but to go to the doctors. I bent over and he examined me [...]
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. “What happened to you?” asked his wife. “I had a terrible day.” replied Roy. “I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a [...]
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. “I should be in charge,” said the brain , “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen”. “I should be in charge,” said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over [...]
My wife was in a really good mood today. I said, “What’s got into you?” She said, “Something twice the size of yours”. ———— On a scale of 7 to 1.2, how much do you not hate being confused? ———— “There’s no such thing as cant”, Unless, of course, you’re cockney; then you probably are [...]
The family wheeled Grandma out onto the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members [...]
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit. Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red [...]
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.. (Now that’s more like it [...]