A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the [...]
Mac wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the night-stand. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room [...]
Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!! ________________________________________ They reckon that beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 10 pints I talk shit and can’t drive! ________________________________________ A Vicar booking into a hotel [...]
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar: COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 [...]
Copy of a letter from a farmer in Melbourne in reply to an Income Tax demand Dear Sir; Your letter arrived this morning in an open envelope with & penny stamp on it. My son and I would have gained much pleasure from it had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of what [...]
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I [...]
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night. Mick, the bartender, says “You’ll not be drinking any more tonight Paddy. You’ve ‘ad enough lad”. Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way den.” Paddy spins around on his stool and falls flat on his face. “Shoite” [...]
There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below: GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a [...]
Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state. Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a pee. At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As [...]
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a beer”. “I’ll have a beer too” says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be £5.40 please,” and the man reaches into his [...]