I woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my wife was already fixing breakfast. I looked to see what she was cooking. In the pan was one of my socks. “What are you doing?” I asked her. “I’m doing what you asked me to do last night when you came [...]
I took my son out for a pint for the first time today. I got him a Fosters but he didn’t like it so I had it. Then I tried Carlsberg – no joy, so I drank that too. Same with bitter and Guinness. I was doubling up on everything but he was happy to [...]
A minister of a city church enjoyed a few drinks, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he [...]
My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer. “I’m looking for some cheap flights,” I replied. “Oh that’s great love,” she said. “Have you found any? Let me help you look.” Strange… She usually isn’t that interested in darts. ———— My Doctor said that my heavy drinking was making me Paranoid, “So [...]
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk [...]
At a local Winery cellar door, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the warehouse wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink. He tried it [...]
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw [...]
A Irish hobo walks into a pub in London, and approaches the barman. “If I show you an amazing trick, will you give me a free drink?” “Sure” says the barman. So the hobo takes a tiny rat from his pocket along with a tiny piano. The rat cracks his knuckles and begins to play [...]
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it’s possible to get. A group of other guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. [...]
In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, And Rather Small. Oh How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, Of The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. My Life Has [...]