Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles. ———— I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I’ve had it right up to here with them. ———— I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’ I thought, “That’s just spam.” ———— It takes many nails to build a [...]
A certain psychiatrist had fallen into the habit, each day after work, to stop in the local bar for a drink to relax. Being a man of strange tastes, his favorite drink was a chicory daiquiri. Dick, the bartender, had only this one customer who requested this strange concoction, but because the Doctor was a [...]
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s with the money in the jar?” “Well……you pay $10, and if [...]
There are a good number of very valid reasons for drinking beer, but the one that takes the cake is called the “Buffalo Theory”. It originated in America and goes something like this: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the [...]
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw [...]
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’ I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, [...]
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says. “I didn’t think you’d [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed. He cussed at the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of ‘Thanks Santa’, what do I hear? The old lady [...]
Mike and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as aircraft mechanics at Glasgow Airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Mike said, “Jeez, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me as weel. Y’know, I’ve heard ye can [...]