There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says. “I didn’t think you’d [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed. He cussed at the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of ‘Thanks Santa’, what do I hear? The old lady [...]
Mike and Jim were a couple of drinking pals who worked as aircraft mechanics at Glasgow Airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Mike said, “Jeez, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me as weel. Y’know, I’ve heard ye can [...]
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him… ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’ ‘Just put yourself in my hands [...]
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil. Satan: “Why so glum?” Guy: “Why do you think? I’m in hell!” Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?” Guy: [...]
I was meeting a friend at a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. “Nine.” I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me as 9 out of 10. “I don’t [...]
One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles for [...]
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover. He had to force himself to open his eyes. The first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, [...]
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue. Doctor: “What happened?” Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.” Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet [...]