The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce [...]
In the pub quiz recently, one of the questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer. ———— I’ve heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children’s iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name. ———— [...]
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there [...]
An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted. “Could I have a pint [...]
Mr Jones bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front garden and hung a sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.’ For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. [...]
A man found himself in terrible financial difficulties. He is so desperate that for the first time in his life he gets down on his knees and prays to God for help. ‘Dear God, I desperately need your help. I have no money to spend on Christmas presents for my family. Could you possibly arrange [...]
Father O’Malley answers the phone. “Hello, is this Father O’Malley?” “It is!” “This is the Income Tax Office. Can you help us?” “I can!” “Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” “I do!” “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is!” “Did he donate €10,000 to the church?” “He will.”
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F**k off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!