One day little Johnny was walking home from school when an old lady stopped him and said “your dog is going to die tomorrow.” Little Johnny was slightly confused but didn’t think anything of it and carried on walking. The next day he got a knock on the door and there was a man standing [...]
When I started to suspect that my daughter was becoming mute I was embarrassed and hid her from the world. For fifteen long years I kept her locked indoors, too ashamed to let anyone see her. Every night I wept as I saw her trying to speak but no sound would ever come from her [...]
His dad is driving 8 year old Little Johnny home from school. While they are stopped at a traffic light, the son notices 2 dogs screwing on the lawn next to the car. “What are they doing?” asks Johnny. “Uuuhhhh…..they…..are…..uh……..making a puppy” says Dad. Johnny says, “OK,” and Dad is relieved he didn’t have to [...]
Little Johnny asks his Dad, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll [...]
The third grade teacher was teaching English and told her class, “Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.” She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from “the [...]
If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing…yet lives for 450 years! And you tell me to exercise! ———— “Did I come [...]
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Ken stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Ken?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’ [...]
The new minister’s wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again. Several years and five children later, [...]
I took my son out for a pint for the first time today. I got him a Fosters but he didn’t like it so I had it. Then I tried Carlsberg – no joy, so I drank that too. Same with bitter and Guinness. I was doubling up on everything but he was happy to [...]
Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along comes Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, [...]