The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my tools” “Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked. “I figure that you would eventually remarry and I [...]
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that [...]
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind [...]
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments [...]
One day little Johnny was walking home from school when an old lady stopped him and said “your dog is going to die tomorrow.” Little Johnny was slightly confused but didn’t think anything of it and carried on walking. The next day he got a knock on the door and there was a man standing [...]
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” “I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.” “My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.” “My mother was like a [...]
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, “Go into that room and kill [...]
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with [...]
It was my mate’s funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. The silly f*cker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, “Ha! Fooled you… I’m alive!” started playing. It [...]