These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow 1. The patient has no previous history of suicide. 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4. She [...]
When I started to suspect that my daughter was becoming mute I was embarrassed and hid her from the world. For fifteen long years I kept her locked indoors, too ashamed to let anyone see her. Every night I wept as I saw her trying to speak but no sound would ever come from her [...]
Politically correct ways to say someone is stupid. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. A few peas short of a casserole. [...]
Little Johnny’s next door neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the [...]
“How Did It Happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d [...]
Two morons, Tom and Jack, were sitting in a bar one day, when two fishermen walked in with two huge trout. One of the morons asked where the guys got the fish, and the fishermen told the morons that they go down to the bridge and one guy would hold the other by the ankles [...]
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it’s possible to get. A group of other guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. [...]
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather [...]
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an aeroplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, [...]