‘Doctor’ Archive

Pain

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of […]

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Mix Up

A man was experiencing chronic infections so he took his urologist’s advice and entered the hospital for a routine circumcision. When he came to, he was perturbed to see a large group of doctors standing around his hospital bed. “What’s up doc?” he asked nervously. “Uh, well……there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admitted his […]

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Johnny’s Problem

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, “Johnny, what are you doing?” Johnny said, “It hurts down there.” “Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home”, said the teacher. […]

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Little Bird

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?” “A bird,” the guy replied. The little girl walked […]

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Ol’ Fred

Ol’ Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a […]

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Helpful Brother

A woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby. Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her […]

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Hermaphrodite

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.” The woman sits up in bed and says, “What’s wrong with my baby doctor? What’s wrong?” The doctor says, “Well, now, nothing’s wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little […]

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Physical

At my annual physical, the nurse starts with certain basics. How much do you weigh?” she asks. “125,” I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 160. She asks, “Your height?” “5 foot 8,” I say. I only measure 5′ 5″. She checks my blood pressure and tells […]

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Julia

When Alex was appointed the new director of a mental hospital, he asked his subordinate to take him around the hospital premises for orientation. In one of the corridors, Alex saw a man in torn clothes running towards him shouting, “Julia, Julia!!” Alex asked the subordinate, “What is wrong with him?” The subordinate replied, “This […]

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Catholic Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of […]

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Effective Surgery

A recent article in the West Australian newspaper reported that a woman, Mrs. Maynard, has sued a Perth Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

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Playing Doctor

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try ‘playing doctor’ for an hour? That’s what I do,” said Irving. “Sounds great,” Morris replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Just keep […]

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Driver’s License

A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver’s license. He sent off all the forms and all was fine but he was asked to take an eye test. So off he goes and gets himself an appointment the same day, and sits down in the examining chair. The optician showed him a card with […]

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Black and Blue

A woman goes to see her doctor, beaten black and blue. Doctor: “What happened?” Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.” Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of […]

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Terrible Headaches

A man walks into the doctors complaining of terrible headaches for which he has found no cure. He asks the doctor for help. The Doctor tells him that he too used to suffer from nasty and long term headaches but he had been cured by placing his head between his wife’s thighs twice a week. […]

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Medical School

When I was young, I decided I wanted to go to medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S And form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest […]

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Resourceful Johnny

Little Johnny was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” she […]

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Two Carrots

Two carrots were walking down the road when a huge truck slammed into one of them. An ambulance was called and they rushed the little fellow off to the hospital where he immediately went into hours of surgery. Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting in the waiting […]

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Mole

A bloke goes into the doctors and says, “I’ve got a mole on my dick, can you remove it please?” So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, “Yes sir, I can remove that mole… but I’m afraid I’m going to have to report you to the RSPCA.”

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New Doctor

I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I asked him, ‘Do you Think I’ll live to be 80?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’ ‘Oh no,’ I […]

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