‘Education’ Archive

Johnny’s Arithmetic

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? LITTLE JOHNNY: One dollar. TEACHER (sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic. LITTLE JOHNNY (sadly): You don’t know my father.

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Johnny’s English

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’ Little Johnny waves his hand, ‘Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!’ Miss Rogers:’All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?’ Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’ Miss Rogers smiles and […]

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School Exams

Real answers given in school exams. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists… Q: How is dew […]

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Excitement

One day the teacher told her class to think of something exciting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his mom got mad because his dad got drunk. Little Johnny went to the front of the class and put a dot on the board. The teacher asked him to […]

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Father’s Occupation

It’s career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today. Little Rodney stands up and says, ” my father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T- A-N-T, and if he were here today, he […]

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Clever Kid

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten….. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” The mother responds, “Very good honey.” […]

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Johnie’s Bet

Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.” So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble […]

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Time for School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!” “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!” “Oh, that’s no […]

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Spelling Test

One day Little Johnny’s teacher, decided to play a spelling game. She gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell a word starting with that letter, and then use it in a sentence. Starting with “A” Little Johnny’s hand was continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him. Little Johnny […]

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Reading Lesson

Bridget, age 10, recently started 4th grade. She came home from school and told her mother she was so embarrassed at school that day. Her mother asked her what happened. Bridget explained that each student had to read a sentence to themselves and then do what it said. The student before her had a sentence […]

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Spelling Drill

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, […]

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I Just Saw…

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]

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Sexist Comments

One of the professors at a university is well known for his sexist comments in class. One day, all of the women in the class gathered outside of the classroom and decided that the next time he made a sexist comment they would all walk out of the classroom. The next day the professor was […]

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Assignment

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?”. The class breaks up laughing, and when they […]

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Sandy Hill

Ms. Pitroda, the new Social Sciences teacher, had just started teaching, when she noticed Tom walk in late. She asked, “Why are you late?” Tom replied. “I was climbing Sandy Hill.” Ms. Pitroda saw another boy called Jack walk in after 10 minutes. She asked him, “Why so late?” Jack replied, “I was climbing Sandy […]

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Medical School

When I was young, I decided I wanted to go to medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S And form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest […]

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Venus Statue

The teacher brought a Venus statue in to the class and asks “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert. “The artwork,” says Robert. “Very good. And you, Peter?” “Her tits!” says Peter. “Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,” responds the teacher with disgust. “And you, Johnny?” “I’m […]

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Not Good

One day the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one`s mouth. Little Johnny says, “It is not good to put a lit lightbulb in one’s mouth.” The teacher says,”That is correct, but why?” Little Johnny answers, “I don’t know, but my mom always tells […]

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Invigilator

At the start of the exam, the invigilator says, “You have exactly 2 hours. I will not accept any papers after this time has elapsed.” Two hours later, the invigilator calls out, “Time’s up, Ladies and Gentlemen.” One student is still scribbling away ten minutes later when the invigilator has all the collected papers in […]

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Anatomy Class

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks her if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. “Sure.” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids.”

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