If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away – and barefoot. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than [...]
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told [...]
It’s a Birmingham classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, so the teacher decides to have a game for the kids to get them thinking. “Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the [...]
Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel “pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land.” Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land.” [...]
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question [...]
It was the first day of a school in the USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had [...]
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “you don’t know Jack Schitt”. Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt [...]
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that [...]
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London, and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction started in 1346 and it was completed in 1412, the Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston we’d have that [...]
During some excavation work, a team of Israeli archaeologists discovered a previously undetected cave. They were very excited because the following five symbols were carved on one wall of the cave: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David. The archaeologists declared this a unique find. The carvings were thought [...]