A tough-looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want [...]
If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing…yet lives for 450 years! And you tell me to exercise! ———— “Did I come [...]
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told [...]
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through [...]
Three lady friends always meet for lunch on Thursdays. One Thursday Anne says, “There’s this thing, when I go down on my John, his balls are always cold.” Funny you should say that”, says Mary. “my Franks balls are always cold too”. “EEAUUWWWWWWGHHHHHH” says Nancy , “that’s disgusting. How can you both do that?” So [...]
Little Johnny runs into the kitchen, crying. His mother asks, “Johnny, why are you crying?” Johnny cries, “Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!” His mother says, “You shouldn’t cry because of that. You should laugh!” Johnny breaks out in tears and says, “But I did!” ———— “Isn’t the principal a dummy!” Johnny said [...]
“How Did It Happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d [...]
A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave he children a work sheet to do. After a little while, a student, Little Johnny, was having some difficulty with the work and was heard to exclaim loudly, “Damn!”. The [...]
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday.’ I thought…. [...]
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by [...]