This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired… Operator: “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?” Caller: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” Operator: “What sort of trouble??” Caller: “Well, I [...]
Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, ‘My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom [...]
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?” The first priest says, [...]
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny [...]
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with ‘tor’ that eat things. The first little boy says, “Alligator.” “Very good, that’s a big word.” The second boy says, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.” Little Johnny says, “Vibrator, Miss.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a [...]
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, [...]
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is [...]
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken [...]
A young woman has just undressed to step into the shower when the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and says, “Who is it?” “Blind man,” comes the reply. So instead of going back to the bathroom for her robe, she opens the door. “Hmmm… nice body, lady. Where do you want the blinds?”
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter… Where did you get it?” The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.” “Great, can I try it?” “Sure.” The [...]