Little Johnny’s parents were screwing up a storm after which his Daddy headed to the bathroom to clean up. Daddy was halfway down the hallway when 6 year old Johnny also stepped into the hallway, and was shocked to see his old man standing there wearing nothing more than a condom. Johnny pointed at his [...]
The woman, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman’s Ball.” He replied: “No, Highway Patrolmen don’t have [...]
Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny’s house. “Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny’s got a penis like a peanut!” Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks, “What, you mean it’s shaped like a peanut?” “No silly, it’s salty!”
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’ Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’ Ms. Brooks had [...]
A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. “Do [...]
The Right Way to Spell Potato If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH stands for O as in Dough If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour If TTE stands for T as in Gazette If EAU stands for O as in Plateau [...]
A guy was arrested for groping a hotel receptionist. In court, his defence was: “When I arrived there, I drove through a gate marked ENTER, walked through a door saying PUSH, came to a desk with a bell that said PRESS and met a woman wearing a badge that said PAT.” ———— Iron man. What [...]
I had amnesia once – or twice. Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous. If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. What is a “free” [...]
Paddy was thinking of starting up a small zoo, so he wrote a letter to London Zoo; “Dear Sir, I’m starting up a zoo, please send me 2 mongooses.” Paddy thought that didn’t sound right so he tried again; “Dear Sir, I’m starting up a small zoo, please send me 2 mongeese.” Nope, that still [...]
A midget waddles into the library and asks, “Have you got a book on Irony?” The librarian says, “Yeah, mate, it’s on the top shelf.” ———— Subway is similar to prostitution. You pay other people to do your wife’s job. ———— Studies show that 90% of women don’t like men in pink T-shirts. That’s ironic, [...]