‘Marriage’ Archive

Ron’s Advice

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some are over-sensitive and there’s nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let […]

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City Girl

Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her, “The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow’s stall. You show him where it is.” The farmer leaves, […]

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Assertive Wives

At the 2015 World Women’s conference, the first speaker from Canada, stood up “At last years conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband I would no longer cook for him, and that he would have to do it himself. Afer the […]

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Why, Dad?

“Dad, I was away on business for a week. Yesterday I sent an email to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got home I found my wife in another man’s arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!” Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get […]

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Senior Bridal Registry

Jacob, 92, and Rebecca, 85, are excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and their route happens to take them by a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: Jacob: “Are you the owner?” Pharmacist: “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you […]

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Why oh Why

A man was at a grave yard. He began to moan “Why did you die, oh why did you have to die?” A passer by knelt down next to the man and said “Was this person very close to you?” “No, actually I never met him!” replied the man. “Why are you moaning then?” asked […]

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Friendly Frog

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.” The woman freed the frog and […]

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Black Sponge

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her pubes. He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, “Oh, that’s mommy’s black sponge.” A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, “Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!” […]

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Pet Pig

I saw my friend Pablo in the market and greeted him. I was surprised to see that he was carrying a baby pig in his arms. I asked him, “Hey, what are you doing with this pig?” Pablo replied, “Well, I found him in the park. Think he is lost. Anyway, I am going to […]

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Slow Agonizing Death

After a heated argument with his wife Lisa, John said to himself enough is enough. He packed his bags and was walking out of the house, when Lisa screamed from behind, “Hope you have a slow and agonizing death, you swine!” John shot back, “So now you don’t want me to go..”

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New Suit

David saw his colleague Alfred walk into the office in a brand new suit. David exclaimed, “Not bad, dude! Where did you get the suit?” Alfred smiled and replied, “Well, my wife got it for me. Pretty cool, isn’t it?” David replied, “Sure it is. Was it your anniversary?” Alfred said, “No. beats me. The […]

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Long Wait

Alex went to the salon and asked the owner, “Hey Max, how long would I have to wait for a haircut?” Max looked at the customers waiting and replied, “About an hour”. On hearing this, Alex left. He returned next week and asked Max, “Hey, how long is the waiting time for a haircut?” Max […]

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Lamaze

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, ‘Ladies, exercise is good for you. […]

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Just Like Mom

It was Juan’s 35th birthday and he was celebrating with friends. One of his friends, Pepe asked him, “You should get married now. Haven’t you found a woman?” Juan replied, “Well, over the years, I have brought many girlfriends home to meet my mom but she didn’t like anyone.” Pepe said “That’s an age old […]

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Forgetful!

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, […]

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Not Hungry

One morning a husband and wife are having sex and the wife says ‘the Viagra is great! let me fix us a wholesome breakfast.’ The husband says ‘No, I’m not hungry after I take Viagra.’ Later that day, the wife says ‘Honey, I want to do something nice for you, let me make you a […]

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Pure Evil

Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked. “No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping […]

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Effective Surgery

A recent article in the West Australian newspaper reported that a woman, Mrs. Maynard, has sued a Perth Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

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Thoughts on Marriage

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!” ———— A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and […]

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Double Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind […]

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