Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top o’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’ She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee [...]
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind [...]
My wife came up to me with a dreamy look in her eye and asked, “Why don’t we make love like they do in the movies?” So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen table, performed oral sex on her, screwed her, stuck it in her mouth, turned her over, spanked her, stuck it [...]
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and [...]
A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: ‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell [...]
As I rolled over and pulled the covers over me, my secretary asked, “What’s wrong? It’s not usually over that quickly. It must’ve been less than thirty seconds. At work earlier, on the desk, you were banging away for nearly an hour.” “I’ve got a picture of my wife on the desk at work,” I [...]
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says “Mommy why does the woman wear white?” His mom replies “It is because it is the happiest day of her life”. The little boy thinks about this and then says “Well then why does the man wear black?”
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, “I don’t need you now! I don’t need you now!” Guess who had to put the batteries in. ———— “One man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase. But it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted. ———— [...]
After my divorce hearing I turned to my newly ex-wife and said: “Do you know what’s been the best thing since I left you, it’s-” “Oh, I know. You’ve been out shagging anything that moves!” she said. “Sowing your wild oats, getting your prick into anything with a pulse. I know exactly what you’re all [...]
A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s going on?” he asks. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, [...]