The third grade teacher was teaching English and told her class, “Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.” She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from “the [...]
There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful [...]
10 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of soldiers dead, state of the art technology, but the US finally found Bin Laden. In his house. ———— Barack Obama – The first black man that has ever had to convince the world he did do the killing. ———— Osama Bin Laden 2,967 – USA 1 I see [...]
What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked? A Seatbelt! ———— An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, [...]
Tenerife; I won’t beheading there in a hurry. ———— BBC News: “Tenerife: British woman beheaded in Canaries attack” There must have been a lot of them, they’re only small. ———— Don’t people usually go to Tenerife to get legless? ———— For Sale: 1 sunhat. Contact Tenerife tourist board. ———— Tenerife:- the place where ‘giving head’ [...]
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language changed to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on [...]
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered. “Interesting,” the newsman thought. [...]
For an instant appreciation of how it felt to be in Japan yesterday, hold down the F11 key and then throw a bucket of water over yourself. ———— I phoned my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay after the Tsunami and all he could talk about was his social life. He just kept [...]
You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs. In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter…. The interview was as follows: The lady reporter: “I [...]
As a Christian I was deeply offended by a recent Top Gear where it was suggested that the new ‘Stig’ was born in Israel. The Stig is a fictional character dressed in white, whose entire history is nothing more than a load of ridiculous, made up stories and no one has ever actually seen him. [...]