An ageing man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would dig his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!” At 4 [...]
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves — the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, “Hey, don’t put that shit on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!” The chief turned [...]
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back [...]
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad [...]
Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS (Special Air Service) for special training. After the first day they met up in the bar. “Ah, Pierre,” asks one, “‘ow ‘av you been doing?” “Merde!” answers Pierre . “I ‘av ‘ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg [...]
Breaking News: France have surrendered to North Korea.
If hooking up a terrorist prisoner’s nuts to electric cables will save just one western life, then I have just three things to say; 1. Red is positive. 2. Black is negative. 3. Make sure his nuts are wet.
Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm – tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya [...]
“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “American special forces” “NO, NO THANKS, I’M OK” ———— Well it’s almost over. After 69 days of doing nothing a group of men in hard hats and high visibility jackets are getting ready to go home. The council have finally filled in the pothole at the end of my road. ———— [...]
I got arrested outside B&Q yesterday after assaulting a black woman. The policeman said, “Let me guess, somebody told you to ‘find a black ‘n’ decker’?” “No I just hate niggers!” So, we had a good laugh and he let me off scot free. ———— I think I’ve figured out why niggers have evolved to [...]