I got arrested outside B&Q yesterday after assaulting a black woman. The policeman said, “Let me guess, somebody told you to ‘find a black ‘n’ decker’?” “No I just hate niggers!” So, we had a good laugh and he let me off scot free. ———— I think I’ve figured out why niggers have evolved to [...]
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies. One day the boss called [...]
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?” He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were [...]
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven [...]
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, “Well sir, as you know, there are [...]
The train was crowded, so a US Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a immaculately groomed poodle belonging to an equally immaculately dressed, middle-aged, female. The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?” woman just sniffed and said to no one in [...]
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking [...]
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment… Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. [...]
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, “Do you know what I use this for?” The navigator replied timidly, “No, what’s it for?” The pilot responded, “I use this on navigators who get me lost!” The [...]
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The [...]