‘Religion’ Archive

Christmas Time

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: “What do you do at Christmas time?” Patrick addressed the class: “Well Miss Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. […]

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Problem Animal

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not […]

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Johnny’s Heaven

One day Little Johnny’s Mom was exasperated with her young son’s antics. She, snapped at him saying: “How do you ever expect to get into heaven?” “Well,” fidgeted Little Johnny after some thought. “I’ll run in and out, and keep slamming the door till they say ‘Come in or stay out!’ and then I’ll go […]

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Young Missionary

A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, […]

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Eve’s Man

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the […]

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Ol’ Fred

Ol’ Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a […]

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1000 Steps

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. So the redhead made it to […]

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Adam’s Gift

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It […]

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Origin of Johnny

Little Johnny was puzzled as to his origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” His mother said, using a well-worn phrase, “God sent you.” “And did God send YOU, too Mommy?” “Yes, Johnny, He did.” “And GRANDMA and GREAT-GRANDMA and DADDY, too?” Again the answer was “Yes, Johnny, He did.” Little Johnny shook his head […]

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Pot Luck

One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He, of course, tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot […]

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Whales

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]

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Walking On Water

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o’clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, “That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we […]

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Catholic Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called an ambulance when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of […]

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School Play

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been given a part in the school play. “Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?” The boy says “I play the part of the Jewish husband!” The mother scowls and says: “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking […]

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Jesus Facts

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, “He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, “He threw the money […]

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Jewish Grandmother

A Jewish lady’s grandson is playing in the water, she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He […]

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Daughter’s Problem

A 19 year-old Jewish girl tells her mum that she has missed her period for 2 months… Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a Pregnancy test kit. The test confirms that her daughter is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the selfish bastard that did this to […]

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Jewish Bra

A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy’s in New York. He tells the saleslady, “I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34 B.” With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, “What kind of bra?” He repeated, “A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a […]

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Johny’s Mother’s Lot

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted. “My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

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Nervous Priest

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, “Cross you arms over your chest, and […]

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