Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?” The first priest says, [...]
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. [...]
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE… God is watching.’ Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of [...]
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you [...]
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: ‘Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from [...]
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked [...]
God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. “What commandments do you offer?” they said. He answered, “Thou shalt not murder.” They answered “Sorry, we are not interested.” Next he offered it to the Romanians. “What commandments do you offer?” they said. He answered, “Thou shalt not steal.” They [...]
Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!! ________________________________________ They reckon that beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 10 pints I talk shit and can’t drive! ________________________________________ A Vicar booking into a hotel [...]
The Abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands downtown, when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby, “Twenty bucks for a blowjob.” At that point the passerby and the woman promptly went down the next alley, where they went out of view. The Abbot was [...]
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I [...]