A married couple were in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor [...]
My wife came up to me with a dreamy look in her eye and asked, “Why don’t we make love like they do in the movies?” So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen table, performed oral sex on her, screwed her, stuck it in her mouth, turned her over, spanked her, stuck it [...]
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect [...]
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line, and the least romantic second line: 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake [...]
Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy [...]
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If [...]
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. ‘Is this your husband?’ he nervously asks. ‘No, silly,’ she replies, snuggling up to him. ‘Your boyfriend then?’ he continues. ‘No, not at all,’ she says, nibbling away at [...]
“If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job” said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. “Well actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo” I replied. “Why [...]
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she [...]
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We [...]