So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, they also requested that the doctor honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before!

All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthfully beautiful smooth cheeks!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me. How can I possibly repay you?’

‘My darling,’ she replied,’I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!!

So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen table, performed oral sex on her, screwed her, stuck it in her mouth, turned her over, spanked her, stuck it in her ass, then came on her face.

Turned out we don’t watch the same movies.

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS………………. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered…

“I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”

HOWEVER…., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother…

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Who said poetry is boring!

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this: she took a picture of herself sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed off. So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born…

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

“Well actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo” I replied.

“Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one” she said.

“My point exactly.”

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,………. ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold. Would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied…………. ‘Get your own f*cking blanket.’

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”