‘Senior Citizens’ Archive

Hot Senior

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.” “I know,” the old […]

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Checkout Surprise

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my […]

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Arthritis

An elderly couple (who lived in an old folks home) had had feelings for one another for quite some time. Then one day they had a chance to meet up, as the old folks were going out on a day trip. The two complained of some sort of illness and the carers told them to […]

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Ron’s Advice

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some are over-sensitive and there’s nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let […]

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Oldie’s Lament

My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I’ve got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it […]

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Problems of Age

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. The 70 year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.” The 80 year old man says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit […]

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Ol’ Fred

Ol’ Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a […]

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Senior Bridal Registry

Jacob, 92, and Rebecca, 85, are excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and their route happens to take them by a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: Jacob: “Are you the owner?” Pharmacist: “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you […]

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Vacuum Cleaner

A little old man answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a very well-dressed young man in a navy blue pinstriped suit, red silk tie, white shirt, shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple […]

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Hang-Gliding

Here in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge – into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw […]

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Tall Tree

A young man, who was an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and […]

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Old Husband

At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. […]

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Church Bells

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that […]

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Composed Grandfather

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long”. Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, “It’s […]

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Old Fella Wisdom

Dan got on the Metro and immediately attracted attention. His hair was spiked and was dyed pink and blue. His clothes were torn. He was wearing his jeans way below the waist. He had a nose ring and several earrings. There were big feathers attached to a bandana that he was sporting. Dan took a […]

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Expecting

Jason, an eighty-eight year old millionaire married a young girl Jane. After a few months, he went to see his doctor and told him that his wife was expecting a baby. Dr. Smith simply said to him, “I want to share a story with you. A guy who was absent minded went hunting. Instead of […]

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Worm Hole

Little Johnny was playing outside in the garden one day when he pulled a worm from it’s wormhole. Johnny’s grandfather, who had seen the whole incident approached Johnny with a devious grin upon his face. He placed a $10 bet with Johnny that Johnny wouldn’t be able to put the wriggly worm back into it’s […]

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Not Old Enough

A young lad and his grandpa go fishing one day. They set up next to the river and sit back in their camping chairs waiting for the fish to start to bite. After a while, the grandpa pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. The kid is really interested and asks his […]

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Brain Exercises

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain. Below is a very private way to gage your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take […]

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New Doctor

I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I asked him, ‘Do you Think I’ll live to be 80?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’ ‘Oh no,’ I […]

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