You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect [...]
An ageing man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would dig his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!” At 4 [...]
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the [...]
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with [...]
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud [...]
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a [...]
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, [...]
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by [...]
Seven year-old Little Johnny turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher, “Morning, Johnny, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?” “Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.” “Oh, Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?” “Oh, yes, Miss. They don’t mess around at the crematorium.”
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Scottsdale, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, ‘Do you still get horny?’ The other replies, ‘Oh sure I do.’ The first old lady asks, ‘What do you do about it?’ The second old lady replies, ‘I suck a lifesaver.’ After a few moments, the [...]