A Few Jokes Jokes and humour from our contibutors.

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: – religion – royalty – sex – mystery The prize-winning essay read: “My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, “I don’t need you now! I don’t need you now!” Guess who had to put the batteries in. ———— “One man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase. But it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted. ———— [...]

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s going on?” he asks. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, [...]

Three lady friends always meet for lunch on Thursdays. One Thursday Anne says, “There’s this thing, when I go down on my John, his balls are always cold.” Funny you should say that”, says Mary. “my Franks balls are always cold too”. “EEAUUWWWWWWGHHHHHH” says Nancy , “that’s disgusting. How can you both do that?” So [...]

Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you £20,” the teacher began,” and you gave £5 to Mary, £5 to Sally and £5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered. ———— Little Johnny catches his parents ‘at it’. He yells, “Hey, [...]

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone. “Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I’ve just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply [...]

My daughter walked into our bedroom last night to catch us having sex. “What are you doing?” She asked in shock. “Making you someone to play with,” I said. “A brother?” She asked excitedly. “No, a cousin,” I replied. “Now go and look out for your mother coming home.”

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. “Do you enjoy it?” the doctor asked. “Actually, yes, I do” she said. ”Does it hurt you”, he asked? “No. I rather [...]

The Italian Says: “When I finished makina da love with my girlfriend… I go down & gently tickle the back of her knees. She floats 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy” The Frenchman Replies: “Zat is nothing. After love with ze girlfriend, ah kiss all ze way down her bode and zen ah lick [...]

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. The son asks his mom, “What were you and daddy doing?” The mother replies, “Well you know that daddy [...]