She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, ‘Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?’

‘I was stung by a bee’, she said.

‘Where’, he asked.

‘Between the first and second hole’, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, ‘Then your stance is too wide.’

The Jewish man, bragging about his virility, said, “I have four sons. One more and I’ll have a basketball team.”

The Catholic man pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, “That’s nothing, boy. I have 10 sons. One more and I’ll have a football team.”

To which the Mormon man replied, “You fellas ain’t got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course.”

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.”

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on
in.” They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke my window?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.” the husband replied.

“No, actually I want to thank you. I’m a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You’ve released me. I’m allowed to
grant three wishes-I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last
one for myself.”

“OK, great!” the husband said. ” I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life.” “No problem-it’s the least I could do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said, looking at the wife.
“I want a house in every country of the world,” she said.
“Consider it done.” the genie replied.

“And what’s your wish, genie?”, the husband said.
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don’t care.” The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and
said, “How old is your husband, anyway?”
“35.” she replied.

“And he still believes in genies?….That’s amazing!”

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “Its golf balls…”

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls get.

The other hunter bewildered asks “You don’t really think you can out run that bear do you?”

The first hunter replies, “No, but I can outrun you.”

My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don’t know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.

I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.

And last, but not least, I don’t jog – it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

The morons figured that they could to that.

After holding Tom for about 20 minutes, Jack asked Tom if he had anything, and the reply was “no.” About 20 more minutes passes, so Jack asked again, and again the reply was “no.” Finally, Tom yelled “Pull me up!! Pull me up!!” Jack exclaimed “Ya got one?” Tom said, “No! There’s a train coming!”

The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.”

“Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

“No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”

“I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.”

The man behind the counter says, “The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course… What I will do for you is this:
We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you’re willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today.”

The golfer obviously accepted the man’s offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, “I think my driver will do the job.”

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, “No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole.” Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, “I think this green is gonna break left to right.” The robot then again spoke up and said, “No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left.”

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn’t end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, “How was your game?” The golfer stated, “It was, by far, the best game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week.”

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, “I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please.”

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, “Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints.”

“Complaints? Who in the heck could’ve complained about those robots? They were incredible”.

The man sighed and said, “Well, it wasn’t their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway.”

The golfer said, “So then why didn’t you just paint them black?”

The man nodded sadly and replied, “We did. Three of ‘em didn’t show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, one married a Swedish girl and called himself Tiger, and the other thinks he’s the President.”