This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired… Operator: “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?” Caller: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” Operator: “What sort of trouble??” Caller: “Well, I [...]
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and [...]
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache [...]
A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I [...]
A man is skydiving, enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute. So he pulls on the rip cord, but nothing happens. “No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the rip cord on his emergency parachute, and [...]
During a recent password audit at the Bank of Ireland it was found that Paddy O’Toole was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password: he replied ”Bejazus! Are yez fekkin’ stupid? Shore Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and [...]
An instructor was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the intermediate liquid stage. He gave as an example water vapor in the air condensing on a windshield to [...]
Scientists at Rolls Royce, built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to [...]
Thomas Cook Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?”. Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”. Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Centre”. Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours”. Samsung Electronics Caller: “Can you give me the telephone [...]
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb). The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. There are about one trillion bacteria on [...]