‘Technology’ Archive

Phone Sex

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Latest Watch

A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I […]

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Why, Dad?

“Dad, I was away on business for a week. Yesterday I sent an email to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got home I found my wife in another man’s arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!” Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get […]

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Hang-Gliding

Here in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge – into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw […]

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Modern Supermarket

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the […]

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New SIM

Janie bought a new SIM card and the first thought that came to her mind was to surprise her husband Jake. So Janie replaced the old SIM with the new one in her cellphone. She went to the bedroom and called Jake who was reading the newspaper in the living room. “Hi Sweetheart!” she said, […]

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Text Message

“Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t […]

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Facebook

Thank God Facebook is back up. I’ve had to phone 247 of my friends to tell them ‘I hate work, I’m having a glass of wine and going to bed, lol’. It’s taken me all night!

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Monitor

“Can you go and check upstairs? I don’t think the baby monitor is working,” said my girlfriend. “Can you hear me?” I called through the monitor from upstairs. “Yes,” she answered. “It is working then,” I replied. “What do you want me to do with the dead baby?”

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Elavator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver walls in the hotel lobby that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I […]

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Public Toilet

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: “Hello […]

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Engine Failure

A small airplane has an engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are […]

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Monday Musing 78

Now that Tom Watson is deputy leader and Jeremy Corbyn is the leader, it’s official: The Labour party is now run by Tom & Jerry. ———— “I’ve been a very bad girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.” “Very well”, he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop. ———— Apparently, […]

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Bad Advice…

When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly […]

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Online Chat

I was chatting with a girl on-line. “Tell me something interesting about yourself,” I typed. “I’m Lebanese,” came the reply.. I’m wasting my time, I thought: She’s dyslexic and she prefers girls.

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Life Reboot

Don’t you wish when life is bad and things just don’t compute that all we really had to do was stop and hit reboot? Things would all turn out ok life could be so sweet if we had those special keys ‘ctrl’ and ‘alt’ ‘delete’. Your boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, […]

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Music Store

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women’s breast implants. A company spokesperson declares this a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts without listening to them.

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Uncle John

A man calls home, “Hi honey, is mommy there?” “No daddy, she’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle John.” “But you don’t have an Uncle John… Go up there, knock on the door, and yell, ‘Daddy’s home!’ Okay honey?” “Okay,” she sets down the phone and goes to her mother’s bedroom door and yells what […]

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Laptop Sale

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, “I want you to try and sell this to me.” So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, “Bring it back here right now!” I […]

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Heart Surgeon

Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a […]

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