A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. “Do [...]
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this [...]
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an aeroplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, [...]
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre. They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what’s natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the [...]
Three blokes are sitting in a pub one Sunday afternoon, quietly supping their pints. The first guy turns to the bloke next to him and says: “Have you got a car?” “Yep” came the reply “Do you have a nickname for your car?” “Yep, I call it Kitten” “Why do you call it Kitten?” “Because [...]
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’ The driver says, ‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’ Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know [...]
One day Gerry decided to retire… He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the [...]
An American tourist in London skips his tour group to explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of warm beer. He even samples a doner kebab from a greasy [...]
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil. Satan: “Why so glum?” Guy: “Why do you think? I’m in hell!” Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?” Guy: [...]
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Easy jet,” [...]