My grandmother died in 1975, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the shops on Brunswick Street, the coppers she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the path… Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 10.
We were sitting in a park, having just finished collecting some 40 lemonade bottles for the deposit money, on a beautiful spring day.
She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.
“And remember always this thing,” she said. “Be sure you marry a woman with small hands.”
“How come, Grandma?” I asked her.
She answered in her soft voice… “Makes your dick look bigger.”
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?