Paratrooper Trainee

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers – his father had been airborne. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.

“So, how was your 1st jump?” the father asked.

“Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!”

“Is that when you jumped?” asked the father.

“No, not then. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and push them out the door.”

“Did you jump then?” asked the father.

“I’m getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane.”

I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he’d kick my ass.”

“So, so then you jumped?”

“Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally, he called over the Jump Master.

The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, ‘Boy, are you going to jump or not?’

I said, ‘No, Sir. I’m too scared.’

So the Jump Master unzipped his pants and took his willy out. I swear, it was about ten inches long! Like a baseball bat. He said, ‘Boy, either you jump out of that door, or I’m sticking this up your ass.’ “

“So, did you jump?” asked the father.

“A little, at first…”