Two Rednecks

Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching rasslin’ on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement. A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about $10,000 dollars in prize money for anyone who could defeat “The Killer”.

Jake looked at Bubba, a 6′ 4″ giant with a brain the size of a pea, and got an idea. He told Bubba, “I bet you could beat that guy. He doesn’t look so rough, and you’re no wimp.” Bubba thought about it for a minute and agreed that he probably could.

The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the tournament was being held and signed Bubba up. An old man came over and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to Bubba and said, “Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain’t nobody ever gotten out that thing.”

One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back, balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, it was finally Bubba’s turn. In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and said, “Don’t worry, buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing.” But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring, The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of Bubba, and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten.

Jake screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed. He had just shelled out $500 to get Bubba in this contest, and it didn’t last 20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild! Jake ran back to the ring to see Bubba with one foot on top of the unconscious Killer and one arm raised in the air by the referee. Jake ran into the ring and jumped on Bubba. The crowd was out of control, and Jake and Bubba were $10,000 richer!

Later in the locker room, Jake confessed to Bubba that he didn’t see what had happened. Bubba said, “Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I thought all was lost. I hurt like I’d never hurt before, and all I could hear was the ref slamming his hand down and counting to ten. Then I looked up, and front of me was this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit down as hard as I could on those things.”

“Jake,” Bubba said. “You wouldn’t believe the strength a man gets when he bites down on his own balls!”