Paddy Jokes 2

Paddy and Mick found three hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station.
Mick says “What if one explodes before we get there?”
Paddy replies “We’ll lie and say we only found two!”
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Paddy spies a letter lying on the doormat.
It says on the envelope ‘DO NOT BEND’.
Paddy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick the letter up.
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Paddy’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper”.
He does but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper” his wife asks.
“Here Boy” he replies.
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Paddy’s in jail. The Guard looks in and sees him hanging by his feet.
“What the hell are you doing” he asks.
“Hanging myself” Paddy replies.
“It should be round your neck” says the Guard.
“I know” says Paddy “But I couldn’t breathe”.
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An American tourist asks Paddy “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”.
Paddy replies “If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat”.
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Paddy goes to America for the first time.
Walking up 5th Avenue he sees a building on fire. He rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows.
He shouts up; “I’m Paddy John Dara O’Neill, an Irish rugby player, jump and I’ll catch ya”
A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her. Then a guy jumps and Paddy gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up.
“Come on now folks, there’s no point throwing down the burnt ones!”
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Joe says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re having sex with your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.