Quickies 1

After I was convicted for paedophilia, my wife said, “I think you should be the one to tell the kids.”

I replied, “They already know.”


Women only have orgasms because it’s another chance for them to moan.


I met this girl in a night club last night and, as she was leading me away, she said, “I have something to show you, my knickers match my socks.”

She wasn’t wearing any socks. Stupid bitch.


I love Jesus.

He’s born, I get presents. He dies, I get chocolate.


I divorced my wife because she loved sex in the morning…

Right after I left for work.


BBC News: ‘Missing eight-year-old found safe.’

But she couldn’t crack it.


My wife turned the TV off while I was watching it today.

After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on”.


My girlfriend asked, “Do you want to get married?”

I said, “Sure.”

She said, “Great, when?”

I said, “Well, like every other guy: when I meet the right girl.”


People who are scared of paedophiles need to grow up.